We Are A Thinking Being
...and thus we must think
Sometimes ago on WhatsApp. I posted an anonymous link where my contacts/WhatsApp viewers would send messages and I won't know the sender. Of course, after doing that I got a lot of messages (more than 10 or so). That was much for me considering that I have very small WhatsApp viewers.
However, there was a particular message among those messages that got my attention which was "Do you hate anyone?". Well, my sincere answer was "I really find it hard to hate people."
A female friend of mine who happens to be my coursemate told me something about me. She said, "You really are a simple guy, you have no enemy unless some people just decide to hate you." She is right about me I must say. She really has thought deeper and observed my lifestyle, so, to hit the nail on the head. Her thoughts were right.
But on the other hand, a female colleague who happens to be one of those I teach in school said I am very strict. First, she said I have pride, then I think she later got her thoughts right by saying "I am very strict." And I also think that was true. While I may be simple, I am very strict. Everyone I have encountered knew this very nature of me.
"Your strictness will make you lose a lot of people, but it will make you valuable and disciplined at the same time" — my roommate told me this. Yes, and of course, I know that. Even among my very small circle of friends and colleagues, I know those whose love for me is completely true, and those who express partial love because they really cannot afford to lose me but they just have to play along because they feel the need to have me around when they need me.
Let me tell you a very short story, that might even sound stupid to you, and of course, at some point in our lives we have made very stupid moves (let's not call it a mistake). I had affection for her, and of course, I knew she knew that. There is this particular saying that, "you would do anything for the person you love." And at times it just turned out that the person you love didn't give you such energy of being loved.
So, imagine how that would feel. Love is a stupid thing. It makes you forget what your principles are. You can break them just to have the person that your heart desires. That was it in my case. She didn't have to pay before I taught her courses she can't handle herself, and I am very strict, especially with women. But for her, I wasn't.
About a few days ago, she told me she had no apartment, and that I should assist her. I trekked the shit outta my life looking for an apartment she could rent, even under the hot sun, —we trekked. That was something, a random guy wouldn't just do for you (but she knew I could help her). Why? Because she's aware I love her, and the reality remains that she only wants to play along and make me feel like she's giving me the same energy.
Sincerely, I knew this, right from time. Like I said earlier, LOVE IS A STUPID THING. Even having expressed myself to her, — in a serious manner, — and even jokingly in a way that would make her see the seriousness. She didn't take me so seriously. Yeah, well. I changed!
She began to lose the precious attention and respect I have for her. I began to distance myself, — that way, I would get the value I lost to her. She was feeling the need to NEED ME but I denied her my time. And seriously, there are some friends in my very small circle who are like her. I know them, — but I act as though everything is fine. On a lighter note, I am not expecting anything good from them because I know their very nature to be facades. Also, I know my way of dealing with such people. I still consider them useful to advance my cause. People can be SHIT!
We are a thinking beings, and to think you can use someone for your cause without them developing some sort of thought or perception about you is your beginning of stupidity. Even FOOLS think, though their level of thoughts may be below par.
I know deeply if you love me as a friend or not. There's this instinct and a very strange perception I would develop and that would make me keep observing you until I have a grip of what I want to unravel. This, I believe, is a very unique trait about me. You ought to develop this trait too, because a point will come in life where the quantity of things doesn't matter, — only quality. And quality decisions come with quality thoughts not the quantity of your thoughts.
It is fine to do certain things for people even when you know they do not love you to deserve it but for the sake of it. You know the emotion is fake; the love is fake; the hype is fake, and even the little help they did was all fake. You know they have to do that to make you feel like the energy is even, but it is not.
Something is certain; life is relatively unfair to every one of us. Whoever said "Experience is the best teacher," is right. Because in life, what can be the best teacher, if not experience?